Well, this is really about the entire extended family, and the many extensions of friends who have experienced the same grief we have felt, and known the same grace from the one same Father. Through all of these months, God's Hand has been evident to all of us.
Anne recently sent out a little "update" to the family, and it was agreed that I could share some of our conversation here. It needs very little comment:
I figured I should give you all an update since I've seen some improvement lately. And Friday was exactly six months since the accident, so I've hit a milestone of sorts.
I was actually reading a magazine in the doctor's office the other day without having to hold it up above my head. And in church today I followed along when they read the readings, with the book on my lap!!! I still see double below the waist, but it's getting noticeably better. : D
Dr. Gagnon has been getting my neck straightened out and pumping me with nutritional supplements, so I'm still seeing him every week or so. I'm no longer worried about becoming the Homer Hunchback thanks to him. : )
I was there last week and we were talking about the silly things I said in the hospital, and how I used Kath's blog to fill me in on the week I lost. He said that he had the web address for the blog, but he couldn't bring himself to read it because he was too traumatized by my ordeal. I'm realizing that I probably traumatized a lot of people, so I apologize for any worry I caused everyone. I feel bad about Viv's birthday too, so we'll have to do a J-Women outing eventually to make up for it. I personally have not been too traumatized, aside from the head stuff. ; )
I've never looked back and asked why; I have one of my children in heaven - what more could a mother want? I only hope the other three will get there without giving me much grief in the meantime. They've all been doing well too, by the way. Liz is hoping some of you will come and see her in Joseph in July.
Right now I have FIVE of Kath's kids here for almost two weeks for theatre camp. This will be a true test of my brain! LOLAnyway, I'm realizing that this ordeal has aged me: I'm always tired, I have worse bags under my eyes, I'm forgetful, etc. I'd say I feel about 7 years older than I really am. That puts me equal with TOM! So my advice is this: If you have a spouse that's older than you, try not to rub it in too much because what goes around comes around! : D
That's my funny contemplation of the month.
It's scary how quickly time goes by, but at the same time, it's nice b/c time does heal all wounds. God has truly been good to us, and even in Aimee's case, where most people would lose Faith or become bitter, we have all been given the Grace to accept it as His Will. It is most certainly times like these that I am thankful that I am a Catholic, and that mom did such a great job in revealing to us that God's Will may not always be what we want, but is ultimately for the better. Not to mention, how she drilled into us the importance of devotion to Our Most Blessed Mother! I don't know what we would have done if we did not have this upbringing. I honestly stand in awe of your strength and acceptance to God's Will! Having Olivia has made me realize how strong a mother's love can be, above all other loves, and how difficult it would be to lose her. The good thing though is that Aimee was such a good girl that there is no doubt in anyone's mind that she has had the ultimate experience of seeing the Beatific Vision, and is now praying for us all...especially you, Tom, and the kids. What a blessing!
Frances (who just had her first baby, Olivia) commented back:
I don't think you need to apologize for worrying any of us! The accident was all in God's plan, and as your family it was, and is, natural to worry about you. We know that you would do the same for us. I think that the accident drasticly affected a lot of people, even those we don't know, or may never know, but I think that too was the point God wanted to make. Your acceptance of His Will, Aimee's tragic, but beautiful death, the miraculous safety of the Lizzie, Melanie, and Alex was a wake up call for those whose Faith was dorment or fading that they need to return to God and prayer.
Anne's response:
There are times when I get a bit sad, too. But I guess it's a selfish sadness: It would be nice to have Aimee around still. But I know that if she could choose, she would surely stay where she's at. I'm glad that I knew she was struggling with not wanting to be a nun and worrying about offending God. I think she really wanted to do what He wanted, and now she can ask Him, "What now?" and get a direct answer. : ) I think she sees how well we're doing (probably helping where she can) and smiling.
I'm amazed at how God gives us things that we need long before we know they'll be needed: Kath's ability to write well has touched a lot of people who needed to read something uplifting under terrible circumstances. Liz's laid back attitude (which I previously wondered about) has helped her deal with things. I told her that if roles were reversed I doubt Aimee would do so well, and I'm sure Aimee knows it. I'm so grateful that I was also hurt in the accident and that I don't remember anything. If I had been fine I would wonder if Aimee had any suffering in the end; now I just assume she wasn't aware, like myself. My own head trauma has helped me to only deal with a little at a time, slowly letting it all sink in. I am in awe of Divine Providence! : )
And my final response, which is my blog post du jour:
Since Anne’s email yesterday, I’ve been pondering a blog update and my head swirling with gratitudinous thoughts!
All of this is so, so true. And what a grace to be able to see this, to have the consolation of knowing that it is all His gift – the new babies and the beauty and power of a mother’s love, the ability to accept His will as it comes and to see that we are always given all that we need and more, that the people and circumstances in our lives are all perfectly choreographed by Him and so we should simply live in trust and do our best to serve one another each day.
To see the good in tragedy is all grace. To recognize that even a head trauma has its place in His Plan, that He knows the number of each of our days and they are perfectly numbered, to see through to the other side of the veil and know that those we love and let go of are still very much a part of our lives, to experience the awe of finding ourselves in His peace under conditions we could not have imagined for ourselves – these are all the stuff of deep, life-altering gratitude. We have all been so blessed even in our grieving (both with Dad and Aimee) that our letting go seems more like a receiving; we have received more than we have given, and we have given much. “God is never outdone in generosity” (I think that’s St Teresa of Avila), and we have been blessed to experience that.
And witness that to others.
This really needs a photo, but since my hard drive crashed, I don't HAVE any quickly available! I hope to get one soon. But these words couldn't wait for a picture.
Thank you all again for your prayers and encouragement during these months - they have truly meant more than we can say. And now, thank and praise the Lord with us for His goodness and love, which have guided us through very difficult months.
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