Exhaling at Home (Opus Gloriae)

Lenten meditations

Since I've not had time to wrap in words what I'd like to share, I will be content with something I said last year about mothers and Lent.

And I will direct you to another blog where several of us are sharing thoughts and ideas for Lent. I've been posting excerpts from the Scriptural Stations book I published last year; be sure to check in often and see what others are sharing as well:

Scriptural Stations - First Station

Scriptural Stations - Second Station 

I hope to take the time soon to say what I long to say. Meanwhile, let's continue to pray for one another during this holy season.

Alleluia! He is risen!

It was not the Lent I envisioned, but morning follows night and joy comes with the dawn. It does not matter what WE do; what matters is what HE does. He rescues us, as we tend to sick children and those in need, respond to the exigencies of the day as generously as we are able, lift our thoughts to Him and wait for respite.

The first day of the new life

Here is a wise saying: “The day of prosperity makes one forget adversity” (Sir 11,25). Today the first sentence passed against us has been forgotten – more! not just forgotten but cancelled! This day has wiped away completely all remembrance of our condemnation. In former times childbearing took place in pain; now we are born without suffering. Formerly we were no more than flesh, born of the flesh; today, what is born is spirit, born of the Spirit. Yesterday we were born mere children of men; today we are born children of God. Yesterday we were cast out of heaven to the earth; today, he who reigns in the heavens makes us citizens of heaven. Yesterday, death reigned because of sin; today, thanks to him who is the Life, righteousness regains its might.

In former times one man opened for us the gates of death; today, the one man brings us back to life. Yesterday, life was lost to us because of death; but today, Life has destroyed death. Yesterday, shame caused us to hide ourselves beneath the fig tree; today, glory draws us towards the tree of life. Yesterday, disobedience expelled us from Paradise; today, our faith causes us to enter it. Once again the fruit of life is held out to us to be enjoyed as much as we wish. Once again the stream of Paradise, whose water irrigates us through the four rivers of the gospels (cf. Gn 2,10), comes to refresh the whole face of the Church…

From now on what are we to do but imitate the mountains and hills of the prophecies in their leaping for joy: “Mountains, skip like rams; hills, like lambs of the flock!” (Ps 114[113],4). “Come, then, let us sing joyfully to the Lord!” (Ps 95[94],1). He has broken the power of the enemy and raised up the great trophy of the cross… So let us say: “The Lord is a great God and a great king above all gods!” (Ps 95[94],3). He blesses the year by crowning it with his bounty (cf. Ps 65[64],12) and he gathers us together in spiritual chorus in Jesus Christ our Lord, to whom be glory for endless ages. Amen.

Saint Gregory of Nyssa (c.335-395), monk and Bishop
Homily for the holy and life-giving Pasch; PG 46, 581

This is not the Lent I envisioned

But it isn't my vision that matters. My plans are meaningless.

I had planned to make a more organized effort to lead the family through these holy mysteries. I had planned to blog our journey and learn from your own insights. I had planned to pray certain prayers and clean out certain areas of this house. None of that happened as I had hoped.

I DID plan to focus my energies on recognizing God's will for me in each moment this Lent, and His will has taken me to places I could not have foreseen. So be it.

Between my dad's sudden death, helping my mom through the aftermath, the flu (which I am now enduring), and other minor emergencies, I had no time to take any control of anything. Yesterday, I spent the better part of the morning with my godfather, having arranged for him to receive the Anointing of the Sick before his triple bypass surgery this morning; I was happy to be with him to encourage him, and he seemed much more at peace after receiving the Sacrament. I just received word that they will have to do a quadruple bypass, and take veins from both legs; it will be a long recovery for him, so your prayers are appreciated.

Today, the kids will watch a video on the Exodus. Having scrambled together enough time to run to the store to pick up essentials, our family will still be eating Passover this evening, and some of us will go to Mass and adoration; I look forward to this celebration to help focus the family on this holy Triduum, and for those few quiet hours in church. Tomorrow, unless we actually get the six inches of snow in the forecast, the whole family will attend Good Friday liturgy at our parish. Holy Saturday, we will color eggs and attend the Easter Vigil.

I wanted to prepare myself for the celebration of this Paschal Mystery; instead, God prepared me. Can a mother observe Lent? With all her heart.

Quick update; more soon, God willing

As one dear priest said, "Lent is sometimes filled with these kinds of sufferings." Yes. Amen.

But I have to confess that, although we are grieving, the Lord has kept our hearts peaceful. There is no gut-wrenching regret or difficulty. On the contrary, we have been given the grace of peacefully accepting His will, constantly acknowledging that His Way is perfect and referring every question to His Mercy, entrusting Papa to His love; as sorrowful as we are, we are deeply grateful for this grace.

There is no doubt that we have been lifted up and sustained by the prayers of so many of you, and so I thank you all again. Grazie mille di cuore.

God is good, all the time.

So, let's continue to pray for one another, as we find our bearings and resume our rhythm. I know Papa is right now praying for our family and for all of you who prayed for him, even as we are continuing to pray for him. Such is the beauty of the Communion of Saints.

"No" to me = "Yes" to Jesus; it's not just about denial and deprivation

Does God want us to be miserable? Is He some kind of killjoy? What kind of God would limit my computer time?

I know some tweens and teens asking these questions about now.

With all the "no" of Lent, all the paring down like the desert, all the stripping away, it may seem like that, especially to children. How do we reconcile all this abstaining and fasting with the truth that God wants us to be filled with JOY?

That's not an easy concept, for any of us. And to keep difficult concepts simple and accessible and have something to quickly remind us of why we do what we do when our nature starts to kick at the goad and object to all our good resolutions, we need a simple formula that we can repeat.

The formula we use in this house is: "No" to me is "YES" to Jesus.

The austerities of the spiritual life have a point; it's not just about denial and deprivation. If suffering were an end in itself, it would be a very sick spirituality indeed, a distortion of the truth. There are many different analogies we can use to help children understand the point: we talk about "flexing our spiritual muscles" so that our wills become strong for good and not weak and lax so that we give in to every temptation; we talk about eliminating distractions so that our minds can find quiet to think about the more important things, without the theme song to Blue's Clues running through them or an eagerness for our turn on the computer disrupting that quiet; we talk about our solidarity with the poor, how we want to be like people we love and we should love them too, about how our using less would mean more equity in the world (though it doesn't immediately translate into that in the real world); we talk about how we want to be like Jesus, and He had nothing, not even "a place to lay His head," and how He gave us everything so that we would learn to give and not to take; we talk about how human beings have always given their best to God - their firstfruits, their most perfect lamb (we are studying ancient Greece, and we see even they give their best things to the gods and not save them for themselves) - and so we do to, only we don't have to build an altar and BURN what we want to give in sacrifice, we simply deny ourselves the use of that thing for now and "offer it up" as sacrifice.

We overcome our selfishness and prove that God is more important to us than our own wants by saying "no" to ourselves about something to do or use or eat. We sacrifice it to God that way. So, "no" to me is "yes" to Jesus.

But as everything we do has mixed motives, we can remind ourselves that there is a greater reward to come for all this "sacrificing." There is Heaven, in the long term - life with Jesus. But in the short term, there is a cadre of new and better habits formed, an increase of actual grace that brings us more self-control, more generosity, more peace, a stronger will, a deeper love. And hopefully, there is a better preparedness for the celebration of the Paschal Mystery.

To young minds, I present this tantalizingly as, "If you want to enjoy the FEAST, you really need to FAST."

Most days, it works.

updated: (as a perfect complementary reading, Moms may want to take a moment with Abbot Joseph's recent post on the meaning of our Lenten acts.) 

Can a mother observe Lent?

Here's my recent post from These Forty Days (where some other moms have some very good things to share):

In some moments, I think moms have the most difficulty observing Lent; at other times, I think they have the least difficulty of anyone.

My ideal Lent is 40 days of fasting and prayer, actually reading the books I'd like to read to prepare for the celebration of the Paschal Mystery, and a great deal of silent solitude.

But I'm a mom with 7 children. Small people need a lot of fuel and won't eat small and simple meals; they also need snacks. My time is not my own, so I cannot devote the hours I'd like to quiet recollection. There is no silence here except between the hours of 2 a.m. and 6 a.m. and I'm usually sleeping through it, gratefully. In this way, it seems I have some difficulty observing Lent in the way I'd like, but that's just the point. My ideal Lent is not ideal, because it is not God's Plan for me. "My ideal Lent" is just that: MINE. It would be for me, not Him.

His Plan includes 7 children (2 teenagers), a husband who works from home, a barking dog, deadlines and unfinished business. His Plan is perfect. It doesn't look like my Plan, and that is just what I need to work on this Lent: changing my own mind and will to match HIS. I need to give up my own ideas and try to see what His are.

So even though I cannot reduce much of the noise around here, I can learn to enter into that inner silence where He dwells. Even though I cannot live on lentils and rice for 40 days, I can learn to be more grateful for the food He allows me to put on the table; grateful for all the dirty dishes, as they are signs that I have a full and healthy household to eat what He gives us; and I can mortify my own appetite in little and hidden ways. Even though I cannot carve out more time to pray, I can remember that everything I do, I do before His Face. His wounded, suffering Face. I can be more conscious that everything I do, I do for love of Him who died for love of me.

I can be more attentive to each little need before me. So often, the exigencies of the day come at me at such speed, and I am so busy multi-tasking, that I can only be reactive; at least I can try during Lent to respond to each person fully. Let each person who interrupts what I think is important be like Christ asking for my attention, then it will be easier to respond properly.

I can also focus on ways the entire family can move closer to the wounded Heart of Christ during this season of preparation. We pause at 3 pm to thank Jesus for dying on the cross for us, or to sing Adoramus Te. We are making a greater effort to pray the Rosary together in the evening. On Fridays, we all attend the children's Way of the Cross at our parish; then we spend some time in church while we wait for the evening Fish Fry - Mom tries to pray. We have limited media (or "screen time") and shut down the music. We are discussing the Gospel readings and how they lead us to Holy Week.

As a homeschooling mother, I am in a perfect position to find ways to let Lent permeate our days and weeks in little ways that have a cumulative impact, and that help children feel that we have entered into something special; this is not Ordinary Time. We are preparing for Something.

All of this takes mental and physical effort on my part, and that is part of my Lenten offering as well. I would prefer to find some silence somewhere and look on Christ there; God's will for me is to remain where I am and find Christ here in these circumstances, and serve Him in these people. No pious escape.

Can a mother observe Lent? With all her heart.

Fasting is more than deprivation or dieting

This is the week to learn about fasting, even though we will celebrate on Monday (Our Lady of Lourdes) and Thursday (St. Valentine) and have treats!

We take our cue from last Sunday's readings, which focused on the fall of Adam and Eve, juxtaposed against Christ being tempted in the desert. We colored pictures for our Bible Notebooks and engaged in some lively discussion (well, everything is lively around here) based on two questions:

1) What is the same about these two stories? The temptation of the devil.

2) What is different in these two stories? Adam and Eve DISobey God; Jesus OBEYS God. Jesus' obedience "undoes" what Adam and Eve's disobedience did. Jesus faces the same tempter, but takes the victory for all humankind! Adam and Eve ate; Jesus refuses to be tempted by his stomach. Adam and Eve begin to doubt God's word ("You surely will not die; you will be like gods."); Jesus refuses to doubt the Father. Adam and Eve turn from God and follow the prompting of Satan; Jesus says, "Begone, Satan!"

And what made the difference? It seems Scripture is drawing a clear parallel here, and pointing out that praying and fasting for 40 days that gave Christ the strength to withstand the temptation. Fasting is the tool given to us by God to strengthen our own wills.

Isaac the Syrian said of fasting:

For fasting is the command set before our nature from the beginning to keep it from eating the fruit of the tree (Gn 2,17), and it is from this that what deceives us comes forth… This is also what the Saviour began with when he was revealed to the world in the Jordan. For after baptism the Spirit led him into the desert, where he fasted forty days and forty nights.
All who set out to follow him do the same: that is the foundation on which they set the beginning of their combat, since this weapon has been forged by God… And when the devil now sees this weapon in a man’s hand, that enemy and tyrant begins to be afraid. He thinks at once of the defeat inflicted on him by the Saviour in the desert, remembers what happened and his power is broken. He shrivels away at the sight of the weapon given us by the one who leads us into combat. What more powerful weapon is there that so revives our courage in the fight against the evil spirits?

Of course, our fasting must be accompanied by prayer, or it is only deprivation (which makes us resentful) or dieting (which can make us vain) !

Fasting is penance and self-denial, to be sure, but if it is not undertaken in a generous spirit of love, it will only backfire. We find it easier if we have something specific for which to offer our fasting, i.e. today we will fast for all those who are sick, for our pastor, for those who are suffering from war, for Grammy and Papa, for all those children who go to bed hungry, etc. Then, when we feel our hunger, we have something concrete to focus on and offer our hunger for, which takes the focus off of our desire to eat something. It is really not so much to ask to skip a snack or an episode of Magic School Bus to remind ourselves of our solidarity with those who are suffering so much more serious things. Even the 6year old can comprehend that, though we do not actually require anyone around here to fast beyond the demands of the Church. But we do try to remind them that this is a season of GIVING and GIVING UP.

Like Jesus.

Salvation is Participation - on a Shivering Sunday

We are thanking Heaven that we decided it would be better to get to Mass on Saturday evening rather than risk the weather on Sunday, because it was! We would not have made it this morning . The wind chills here are -25, and the 50 mph winds are keeping visibility near zero.

My photos aren't spectacular, but here they are, for all of you who long for snow. The cold and grey make my "prayer chair" in the bedroom seem a very cozy spot today .

The view from my little office window is equally bleak.

Brrrr!

We will remain inside today, pouring hot chocolate (it's Sunday!), though the kids are already asking for "snow cream." I'm not sure anyone here wants to go outside to gather the snow to make that treat. Not even the dog wants to be out there today.

So, we will review today's Gospel and color some pictures of Christ's temptation in the desert. Before dinner, we will pray the Alternative Prayer from the Liturgy of the Hours, which is so fitting for today:

Lord our God, You formed man from the clay of the earth and breathed into him the spirit of life, but he turned from Your face and sinned. In this time of repentance we call out for Your mercy. Bring us back to You and to the life Your Son won for us by His death on the cross, for He lives and reigns forever and ever. Amen.

The discussion this week will be how goodness can "undo" badness - because Jesus came and "undid" Adam's disobedience by His obedience, and because we are all part of the Body of the Christ and participate in that very act of Redemption, we can also help "undo" evil by our virtue.

We must do our part: Salvation is participation.

This is a deep concept for little minds, but there are plenty of familial examples to cite. When someone is angry or cranky and we respond in kind, the crankiness only ratchets up a notch; when we forgive right away and do something nice for that person, the whole household is calmer and happier. When someone is not doing "their share" and others begin to nag or complain about it, everyone becomes resentful and doesn't want to do their share either; but when we refuse to hold a grudge and decide that it's always better to do MORE rather than LESS, again the whole household is calmer and happier.

When we do what Jesus would do, we allow Christ to participate in our actions with HIs grace, and we become channels of grace to others. Another deep concept for young minds. But it is not impossible to demonstrate how love begets love within the family setting - we like to be taken care of because it makes us feel secure and loved; when we take care of each other, we help them feel the security and love that enable them to understand how God loves and takes care of each of us. We need to point these things out to children, or they may easily miss the point, focused as they are on their own security! They are necessarily and naturally self-centered; we need to provide (almost constantly!) the inspiration for them to reach beyond themselves to help others. There are plenty of opportunities for this within the family, but so many of those opportunities pass by in the busy-ness of the day.

This Lent, we are focusing on looking beyond ourselves.

My husband came up with an interesting exercise; a kind of game, if you will, to provide a focused - if somewhat artificial - period of looking to others instead of ourselves. Once every few months, each person is assigned a "partner" for dinner. For the duration of the meal, you are not allowed to ask for anything - not a refill, not for the salt to be passed, etc. Your PARTNER must keep track of your plate and ask if you would like the gravy, or another roll, or a refill of water. This doesn't give us much opportunity to focus on our own mouths and bellies to the exclusion of the rest of the table. The dynamics of dinner change dramatically.

Another dinner "game" we play is something we've dubbed "Fine Distinctions." In this game, each person takes a turn asking another person to choose between two things. The only rule is that neither of those two things can be a PERSON, because we can't choose any person over another. The point of this is that when you are asking the question, you are intensely focused on the likes and dislikes of the other person, and the person being asked is forced to prioritize. Some sample questions:

"Samuel, play a game with Mom or eat a hot fudge sundae?"

"Rachel, an hour on Club Penguin or shopping with Grammy?"

"Rob, serving Mass for the bishop or taking a tour of Rome?"

"Clare, a violin solo with the Symphony or free tickets to see Hawk Nelson?"

"Mom, an hour at the Adoration Chapel or Mass without any little kids?"

"Dad, a job where you could work from home or your own business?"

As you can see, the questions may vary from the sublime to the ridiculous. We sometimes play this game with guests, which can be very interesting. Sometimes, Mom and Dad use this game to force older kids to think about some more serious issues, or to know their priorities on something. More stealth parenting ;-)

Anything we can do to get kids talking about the real stuff - not what they saw on tv or the new video game they saw at their friend's or the next computer program they want. In fact, we often declare a "no media" rule at the dinner table - we can talk about anything BUT media. Let's talk about real stuff, not virtual stuff.

Lent is about real stuff.

God is not elsewhere

I learned from Meister Eckhart that God is not elsewhere.

God is here. Now.

In all this chaos. Amidst all the unfinished business. Somewhere in the crumbs and crayons and cacophony of each day, I try to see Him. In the rowdy noise of all the life in this house, in the many needs to which I must respond, in the frantic search for this one’s missing this and that one’s missing that, His silence sings, just one wavelength beyond the capacity of my ear.

He calls me to rest in His silence, to know His love, to open myself to His peace.

I am immersed in His eternal will.

Is this not enough for me to remember these 40 days?

No ashes on Ash Wednesday

Well, a snowstorm prevented us from getting to Ash Wednesday Mass, which was a bit of a disappointment; but a good opportunity to remind ourselves that we have to rejoice in God's will, even when it seems to go against our own ideas.

But it WAS a little difficult to feel like we were entering Lent without ashes.

We read prayers from the Liturgy of the Hours, and I printed out Pope Benedict's Wednesday audience to read, but we never got that far. I hope to read it yet today.

We wrote out our individual Lenten resolutions (with a few suggestions from one another about what each person might want to consider working on!) and again went over the many ways we can focus on praying, fasting, and giving. The topic that stirred up the most discussion/negotiation was limiting MEDIA. My kids seem to think media is already too restricted in this house, so the thought of further cutbacks on "screen time" met with some resistance. Which proves my point, I reminded them. Dad was here to lay down the law, so the law is firm.

Mothers, rejoice with me over this moment: the 8yo asked in the middle of the day, "Hey, aren't we going to sing Adoramus Te?!" Ahhh... something stuck. One of the Mulderink Family tricks is that we can sing Adoramus Te in two-part chant; this makes other mothers think I am a musical genius, especially if they hear us intoning said chant within the enhancing acoustics of an empty church. I am not a musical genius, I only know one trick, but it's a beautiful one for Lent. We sing this every day at 3:00, the Hour of Mercy. On the Wednesdays of Lent, we will also say or sing the Divine Mercy Chaplet.

We are working hard at working hard, respecting one another, working quietly, pausing to think about Jesus. We are reading  The Life of Our Lord for Children and My Path to Heaven. We are listening to calming Lent-appropriate chant and leaving a lot of silence.

More soon. My media time is up ;)