Can a mother observe Lent?

Here's my recent post from These Forty Days (where some other moms have some very good things to share):

In some moments, I think moms have the most difficulty observing Lent; at other times, I think they have the least difficulty of anyone.

My ideal Lent is 40 days of fasting and prayer, actually reading the books I'd like to read to prepare for the celebration of the Paschal Mystery, and a great deal of silent solitude.

But I'm a mom with 7 children. Small people need a lot of fuel and won't eat small and simple meals; they also need snacks. My time is not my own, so I cannot devote the hours I'd like to quiet recollection. There is no silence here except between the hours of 2 a.m. and 6 a.m. and I'm usually sleeping through it, gratefully. In this way, it seems I have some difficulty observing Lent in the way I'd like, but that's just the point. My ideal Lent is not ideal, because it is not God's Plan for me. "My ideal Lent" is just that: MINE. It would be for me, not Him.

His Plan includes 7 children (2 teenagers), a husband who works from home, a barking dog, deadlines and unfinished business. His Plan is perfect. It doesn't look like my Plan, and that is just what I need to work on this Lent: changing my own mind and will to match HIS. I need to give up my own ideas and try to see what His are.

So even though I cannot reduce much of the noise around here, I can learn to enter into that inner silence where He dwells. Even though I cannot live on lentils and rice for 40 days, I can learn to be more grateful for the food He allows me to put on the table; grateful for all the dirty dishes, as they are signs that I have a full and healthy household to eat what He gives us; and I can mortify my own appetite in little and hidden ways. Even though I cannot carve out more time to pray, I can remember that everything I do, I do before His Face. His wounded, suffering Face. I can be more conscious that everything I do, I do for love of Him who died for love of me.

I can be more attentive to each little need before me. So often, the exigencies of the day come at me at such speed, and I am so busy multi-tasking, that I can only be reactive; at least I can try during Lent to respond to each person fully. Let each person who interrupts what I think is important be like Christ asking for my attention, then it will be easier to respond properly.

I can also focus on ways the entire family can move closer to the wounded Heart of Christ during this season of preparation. We pause at 3 pm to thank Jesus for dying on the cross for us, or to sing Adoramus Te. We are making a greater effort to pray the Rosary together in the evening. On Fridays, we all attend the children's Way of the Cross at our parish; then we spend some time in church while we wait for the evening Fish Fry - Mom tries to pray. We have limited media (or "screen time") and shut down the music. We are discussing the Gospel readings and how they lead us to Holy Week.

As a homeschooling mother, I am in a perfect position to find ways to let Lent permeate our days and weeks in little ways that have a cumulative impact, and that help children feel that we have entered into something special; this is not Ordinary Time. We are preparing for Something.

All of this takes mental and physical effort on my part, and that is part of my Lenten offering as well. I would prefer to find some silence somewhere and look on Christ there; God's will for me is to remain where I am and find Christ here in these circumstances, and serve Him in these people. No pious escape.

Can a mother observe Lent? With all her heart.

Comments

[Margaret in Minnesota]

This is beautiful--thank you.

I, too, can and should "be more attentive to each little need before me." Even when I feel like I'm failing in a thousand other more "monastic" ways, I can attend to these endless little needs.

And I can do so with love...for Him.

[michelle waters]

Thank you for this wonderful devotion. There is much for me to act upon in my own home.

[Ouiz]

OH MY GOSH. This is an amazing post. I am going to link to this one. THANK YOU! I was touched particularly by this:

My ideal Lent is not ideal, because it is not God's Plan for me. "My ideal Lent" is just that: MINE. It would be for me, not Him.

As another mom of seven (all 10 and under) I can sooooo relate to this. There is no silence, no grand retreats, no impressive displays of holy heroism. It is just the simple day to day fulfillment of my vocation... and somehow, that is enough for Him.

Thank you!

[Beth]

Thank you for this. I've been feeling deflated and defeated for not being able to implement some of the wonderful practices of other moms (including yours). God has a different path for our family this season and I will try my best to follow it with His grace.

[KathrynTherese]

This is really the problem, isn't it? We set ourselves up to feel inadequate because we want to do it all. This is true of many of us in many areas of our lives, not just Lent!

But if we remember that God only asks us to do what is before us, and that it is almost always better to do a little bit and do it well than take on too much and do it superficially, we relieve ourselves of a lot of pressure.

We all need to remember to BE what we ARE; to DO what is before us because it is His will; to do little things with great LOVE.

Simple. But not easy ;-)

[Carol]

"no pious escape" That paragraph especially resonates. Or at least it does this year. And I'd like to be able to say the attempt at pious escape gets better, but although the youngest is 21 (the eldest, 38) and grandchild here only half-time, it seems Mom/wife is needed just the same as always, only in different ways. Here, too, the only quiet time is 2-6 am, unless someone is devastated.. And I used to try to live in some of that time, simply because I could call it *mine* -- but age factors in eventually, and I nod off--I once ended up bearing the imprint of the "H" key on my forehead. Fortunately, I didn't drool--I'd not like to wake up to sparks and sizzles.

However, it IS easier to get to daily Mass --on time!